What Now?
by The Other Everdeen Girl
Summary: "I now have this normal life with no death or fear. The only problem is, I have no idea how to start it." Johanna tries to heal. Post- Mockingjay. Johanna POV
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Hey, It's Brighton. I am procrastinating on TKAM right now, because I was working on this story. I really hope you guys like it. Now, On with the story!**

**I am not Suzanne Collins... that's all I have to say.**

* * *

The sound of the alarm clock shocks me out of sleep. No nightmares, I notice, which is a first for me. I get up out of bed and start putting on my clothes. I tiptoe past Annie's room, who is still fast asleep. I grab a nutrition bar and tennis shoes and walk out onto the beach.

Jogging every morning helps. I can clear my head before I start the day. Plus, it's been a miracle worker for my abs. For some reason, I think I can tackle the water issue if I run closer and closer to the ocean each day. So far, I'm 10 feet away from the water. Not bad.

I moved here to help Annie get through everything. After Katniss was arrested for shooting Coin, Annie started getting sick. She was throwing up constantly, slept half the day and she spent hours at a time delirious. She was pregnant. No one could believe it, not even her. She moved back into her and Finnick's victor house. The doctors decided she wasn't fit to care for herself and her unborn child, so I moved in with her. It's not like I had anything to go back to in seven. Just an empty house and an emotionless town with no one to care about.

After about an hour on the beach, I head home to get some breakfast and get started on the rest of the day. I get back and go to wake up Annie. I make no effort to conceal noise when I enter her room.

"Rise and shine, sweet cheeks." My voice is full of extra sarcasm today, I have no idea why. Annie rolls over and looks at me groggily.

"Why must I be up at this hour again?"

"First of all, its nine o'clock, not that early and you have to be up for your doctor's appointment at 11."

"Blah" I help her up, as she's getting bigger every day. Five months now. Her mental state is a lot better too; I think her first trimester was the hardest on her.

I start pouring me and Annie some cereal, while she reads the capitol paper. The TV was on, with some new Capitol show. Ever since the rebellion, Plutarch kept himself busy with these new reality shows. At least no one's dying.

"... The people vs. Katniss Everdeen on one count of murder in the 1st degree. Counsel, how does your client plead?"

"Your Honor, my client at the moment is unable to stand trial because of her mental deterioration, so she pleads not guilty by reason of mental disease or defect."

Both Annie and I whip around and look at the television. It was Katniss' trial for executing Coin.

"I never understood why she did it." I say nonchalantly. "But there must be a good reason."

"Maybe she didn't want those games to happen." That stops me for a second. We all voted. I voted yes but Annie voted no. She didn't speak to me the rest of that day.

"She voted yes."

"People can change their minds. There shouldn't be death to enforce good."

"There should be revenge."

"On the innocent?!" She's getting upset now.

"Look. Maybe it wasn't the best idea, but all I'm saying is her reasoning was rash..." Annie looks up and gives me a look. "And, in the slightest chance you were right, she was justified to kill Coin." She smirks and I resume eating and watching her trial.

"... Tell me, Dr. Aurielus, Why is Ms. Everdeen not responsible for her actions?"

"Katniss had been having mental breakdowns due to her extreme stress. She had been through several traumatic events in 2 years, including being a tribute in 2 hunger games, watching a dear friend undergo a massive neurological torture treatment, partake in combat and her young sister dying at the age of fourteen. She developed post traumatic stress disorder, which caused her to detach and isolate herself from others. She was not, as you say, in her right mind. Therefore because of her mental status, she is incapable of accounting for her actions."

"Thank you doctor. Your witness, counselor-" I turn the TV off, after losing interest.

"Come on, we need to get to your doctor's appointment."

* * *

After the war, district 4 built a hospital where there used to be a fish packaging factory. It was completely new to the citizens of Four, who were used to small apothecaries to treat injuries they got from getting caught in the nets. It was new to me, where I was used to having to bandage up my own cuts when I got in the way of someone's ax.

Once we get there, a nurse sends us up to the obstetrician, who I guess is like a midwife. Annie signs in and we wait.

"You didn't have to come, you know. I am perfectly capable of doing this on my own."

I shrug and pick up someone's paper. "I would be bored today if I didn't. And we're friends. And friends don't let friends go somewhere where they can sit there all alone and a little bit pathetic."

She smiles. "Thanks."

"Annie Odair." The nurse calls her up and I help Annie out of her chair.

The nurse walks us over to a tiny room with a large chair in the middle with a monitor next to it. Annie gets in the big chair, and I plop down into a stool on the side. The doctor comes in, reading a chart.

"Hello, I'm Dr. Everdeen and I will be giving you an ultrasound today Mrs..." She stops for a minute and looks up. "Annie."

For some reason, the name didn't register the first time, but I recognize her from Thirteen. Katniss' mother. She looks thinner, older. I guess that's what happens when you lose a child and are currently watching one going on trial for murder. I could imagine her pain. But not really.

"Lorraine. I didn't know you would be here in 4."

"I helped with the hospital. They needed doctors to work here so... Here I am. Nice you see you again Johanna."

"Hey."

Lorraine sits down and starts working on Annie. She squirts some gel on her bump and rubs a remote connected to the monitor over the gel.

"I'm just going to check the heart beat of the baby and based on how far along you are, we can find out the sex of your baby, if you want."

"I didn't know they could do that."

"Capitol technology. Never had this back in Twelve. So Annie, do want to know if it's a boy or girl?"

She looks up from her vacant stare which I just noticed. "Sure. I want to know." I can tell. She wishes Finnick were here with her. I do too. She shouldn't have to go through this a single mother. I may be here, but I won't be a parent. It's not the same. I need to stop thinking about this.

"I saw some of the trial today."

Lorraine looks up. "Yeah. I watched it too. Right now, everyone is waiting for the verdict. They say it'll be later this evening or tomorrow morning. It's hard. Watching her go through that, but we'll all get through it." A faint thudding is coming from the monitor and Annie glues her eyes to it.

"Is that the heart beat?!"

"Yep. Now you should be able to see the baby right... Now." A grainy image appears. I see a head, but not much after that. It's all a blurry object to me. Nevertheless, Annie's still in awe.

"And it's... A boy. Congrats."

A boy. A little Finnick. Who will probably look exactly like him. Annie's staring blankly at the wall and I know she's thinking the exact same thing. But, I don't know how she can even deal with this. She wasn't even married to him for 2 months. Not enough time.

As Lorraine helps her with vitamins, I realize something. There really isn't enough time for anything anymore. Annie's now pregnant, but I still see the little shell shocked girl who won the games solely on the ability to swim.

Hopefully there's enough time to heal.

* * *

**A/N: Please R&R! I have been wanting to do a post-mockinjay story for a while and I really hope this turns out well.**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Brighton, here. I'm updating on a sad note. A senior at my school, Katy J., passed away this morning. I didn't know her that well, but I knew her younger sister and it's just horrible that she didn't get a chance to live the rest of her life. So, here's the chapter, In memory of Katy J. **

**I'm not Suzanne Collins, if I was I would not have a constantly broken computer.**

* * *

"What are you going to name him?" I ask Annie after we finish our dinner. The television is on in the background as we wait for the verdict of Katniss' trial.

She considers this for a moment. "I want to name him after his father. Finnick's a good name, but..." She pauses and wipes away tears in her eyes. "I don't know if I can call him that without thinking about him."

"I know." I really do. Finnick was my best friend, the only bit of family I had left and now he's gone. I will always expect him to walk through the door, plant a kiss on my cheek and attend to Annie. We told each other everything. I can't even say his name without getting a lump in my throat. "What about Finn? It's a cute name, kinda like a fish. You know he'll be a good swimmer."

Annie considers this for a moment and smiles. "Perfect. Finn. I'll think of his middle name later. Thanks." She reaches out her hand and I take it. Sometimes we all need a little support.

"Now, live coverage of the people vs. Katniss Everdeen with one count of murder in the first degree..."

I look up and motion to Annie to turn up the volume.

"...The client is unfit to stand in the courtroom today, but is represented by her attorney, Mr. Claude and her neurological physician, Dr. Aurielus.

"Counselors, please deliver your closing arguments." A lawyer stands from the table across from Katniss' defense team.

"Your honor, Murder can be justified for many reasons, but not all are legal. The defense has the argument of mental disease. They say she had Post Traumatic Stress Disorder for possibly months. If this is true, why was she not labeled unfit for battle? She was in combat, under the assumption of a normal mental state. I say, there was no post traumatic stress disorder. No record that Miss Everdeen ever had any mental disease. She is capable of murder. And she showed her abilities under no threat to herself or others." Katniss' lawyer now stands up.

"My client, despite the prosecutor's argument, is not guilty. Her mother was a victim of post traumatic stress disorder, after her father's passing. She has a family history and, frankly, I'm surprised she has managed to withhold her symptoms after the recent events of the past two years. In her mental state, she saw the deceased as a threat to the innocent and the state of her country. My client is only guilty of trying to protect the future of others." The camera pans back to the judge, who declares a recess before his verdict.

30 minutes. That's how long it takes the judge to make a decision. When he finally comes back, I swear you could hear a pin drop in the courtroom and in our house.

"I have reached a decision... I find Miss Katniss Heather Everdeen... Not guilty, by mental disease or defect. She will be remanded into the custody of the District 12, with regular visits and notifications to Dr. Aurielus. This court is adjourned."

We sit there in shock, not knowing what to say. Happy? Yes. At least Annie is. She's about to fall off the edge of her seat in excitement. Me? I don't know what to even think. I am happy for her, she shouldn't go to jail and no one like her deserves that. She was a friend, I guess. I still have the parachute of pine, even though they're all dead. I guess I'm not that excited because I know what price she had to pay after the war. That it's not over for her.

Drenched in sweat, I walk back into the house after my morning run. 2 feet from the ocean, getting better everyday. That doesn't mean l'll go swimming anytime soon, but it's a start. The phone rings as soon as I set foot in the kitchen. I know Annie's awake, her doors open and I can see her pregnant form out on the porch, reading.

"Jo?! Can you get the phone?"

"Oh, sure. No good morning, but I'm noticed when the phone rings! You're on thin ice, Tubby!" I bellow this at the top of my lungs, but she just laughs. Finally, I pick up the damn phone.

"What!" I make sure I use my customary greeting, in case it's Plutarch. Exclusive interview, my ass.

"Oh, hi Johanna."

"Peeta." It's been two weeks since the trial and I'm sure Katniss is back in Twelve by now. Annie sent her a letter, asking how she is, but we are yet to hear back. I don't even know where the hell Peeta is, probably some Capitol hospital. "How are you? What've you been doing?"

"I've been stuck in the Capitol, undergoing major psychotherapy treatment. So I'm very well." I laugh. This is the old Peeta. Sarcasm with a genuine smile, as I call it.

"Where are you? I haven't heard from you since you left Thirteen."

"I'm in Twelve right now, actually." There's an awkward silence that follows, because we both know what the next slew of questions will be.

Finally, I ask to get it over with. "Have you-?"

"No."

"Did you watch the trial?"

"No, but I heard about it from Dr. Aurielus. Good for... Her."

I just come out in say it. "You can't avoid her forever. Even if it turns out to be awkward silences passing by each other in the square turning into only an acquaintanceship. I personally believe it will be small hellos that escalate into you mounting her like a lion. You're tied to her, Peeta. You guys can't stay away from each other, no matter how hard you try." Peeta is laughing hysterically on the other end.

"Thanks, I'll keep that in mind." Someone says something in the background. "Hey I gotta go, I need to help move into my house."

"K. Bye. Mwah!" I do the most obnoxious air kiss just for kicks before I hang up.

After I make some coffee and eggs, I head out and sit next to Annie on the deck. We sit there for a while until I finally speak up.

"2 feet."

"Good, only two more days."

"Joy." Annie looks down at her stomach and sighs.

"Lorraine referred me to a psychiatrist."

"Are you going to go?"

"Should I?"

"I think you need closure and maybe it will help." She smiles sadly.

"You think so?"

"I know so."

Annie looks back at her paper and I drink my coffee and look at the district Four beach.

Without looking up, "Mount her like a lion?"

"Just stating the inevitable and obvious."

* * *

**A/N: Please read and review!**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Hey, It's Brighton. I am putting TKAM on the back burner for now but will pick it up after I get this story out of my system. I've written like 8 chapters in advance. So, hope you guys enjoy it. Check me out on tumblr! Brighton97!**

**Sadly, I don't own these characters...**

* * *

"Jo." Someone calls my name.

I'm in that room again. It's empty, except for a tank of water. I turn to leave immediately, but there is no door.

"Jo." The voice is closer now, but I recognize it.

Finnick.

He comes out of the shadows, clothes torn and bloody and scars all over his face. He's somber but glad to see me. I run into his outstretched arms, but I pass right through him.

"I-I don't understand..."

"I'm dead, Jo."

"You don't have to remind me." He laughs and gives me his signature smile. I missed that.

"You're about to have a son, you know."

"I do, send them my love for me. Jo, you need to let me go."

"Finnick... I have."

"Liar." He voice is dark and serious. "All I am is a ghost. I'm gone. Killed by mutts. I was never yours to begin with."

"I know. I always knew." Guilt washes over me. I always knew he was never mine to begin with. Never mine to grieve.

He motions for me to follow him to the tank. When I look over into the water, I nearly scream. It's his body, detached head and all. The water is turning red with blood. I stare at Finnick standing next to me, horrified. He smiles, with cruel undertones.

"However, this can be yours." He pushes me over the edge.

I sit up in my bed, drenched in sweat. I look over at the clock, 6:29 am. Time to get up anyway. I drag myself out of bed to put on my jogging clothes when someone knocks at the door.

A man in uniform stands there. Not a peacekeeper, there are no more peacekeepers. A Capitol official.

"Mrs. Odair?"

"No, I'm her roommate. She's asleep."

"Oh, well this is a letter from the Republic of Panem National Defense Committee. Make sure she gets it. Have a good day." He tips his hat and leaves.

I sit down with letter. I go ahead and decide to read it, so I can prepare to tell her if it's anything about Finnick.

I'm not prepared for the contents of the letter, even though this was the most predictable subject.

* * *

_Dear Mrs. Annie Cresta Odair,_

_As you are aware, your husband, Finnick Odair, was killed in combat fighting for the freedom of this country. Given the circumstances at the time, we were unable to recover his body during the war. We would like to inform you, we have found the deceased's remains. They have been cremated and his ashes are available to be picked up at your Justice Building as of the day you receive this statement. On behalf of the Republic of Panem, we are deeply sorry for your loss._

_Sincerely,_

_President Paylor Ashe, President of Republic of Panem_

_Gale Hawthorne, Secretary of National Defense_

* * *

In the past three months, a lot has happened. I run in the shallows of the water every morning. I take ice cold showers right after. I haven't thrown up afterwards in 2 weeks. I don't feel pain anymore, just cool water. Not suffering, but relaxation. I'm getting better. That doesn't mean I'm going swimming anytime soon, though.

Peeta and I talk almost every day on the phone, ever since he moved back to Twelve. He talks about the reconstruction of the district, starting up the new bakery and Katniss. A lot about Katniss. He says their friendship is rocky, but they'll manage. Just friends, not for long in my opinion.

Annie is 8 months now, and perfectly healthy. She sees a psychiatrist every day. She gets clearer and rarely has her moments anymore, which is a lot better than she was in her first trimester. I remember her throwing up all the time, mumbling every word and crying all the time. She constantly hallucinated about the Capitol and her Hunger Games. A week after Finnick died. She reads the paper, still. Says it helps her to think about her games and the war. She still gets tears in her eyes whenever the kid is mentioned.

I don't know how I'm going to tell her. I've made some calls and set up a memorial service. They're all coming, most already on the next train. Annie should go and pick up the ashes herself, he was her husband. Enough putting it off, already. I get up to go talk to Annie.

As soon as I enter her room, she stirs.

"Hey, I have something to tell you."

* * *

The service was short. The odd group of surviving victors and district 12 and 13 citizens piled into a cabana on the beach while a priest led the service. Hymns were sung and good words were said. I feel like Finnick would have liked the simplicity of it. No cameras would have been his favorite part. His ashes were sprinkled into the ocean and swept away by the tide. He's finally free. Free to live where he loved to be the most. I could have sworn I heard him laugh when I watched his ashes float away.

I watch Annie now as she sits at our table at the reception. She went catatonic during the ceremony. She only responded when she received a Republic of Panem flag and a medal of honor for Finnick. Even though no one else noticed, she'd whispered I love you to the rose as she tossed it in the ocean for the ashes.

Some people from 13 stare at her pregnant belly and I glare at them in response. Heartless bastards.

"The service was lovely." I look up to see Peeta and Katniss together looking down at us.

"Thank you." Annie says meekly. "Johanna planned it all out." I manage a smile.

"Well it was great. I'm going to go get a drink. Johanna, wanna come?" I nod and I get up and follow Peeta to the bar.

"I'm sorry. I'm not really useful in social scenes. I can't really think about much today, actually."

"It's ok, Johanna. Nobody is expected to hold it together at funerals." We grab three glasses of wine and head back to our table. "So how are you holding up?"

"Not well. I had time to grieve months ago when he died, but now it's like I haven't healed at all. I'm trying to be strong for Annie. I don't want to think about how badly this hurts for her, with the kid and all..."

"I wouldn't want to know either."

Katniss speaks up when we get back. "Peeta, Annie's letting us stay with them for a couple of days, you want to? I need to visit my mother as well."

"Yeah that's fine. I don't mind." We continue talking about our lives and annoying calls from Plutarch while sipping wine. Annie pulled herself together quickly and joins in on the conversation. People come up to us and pay their respects to Annie. Haymitch even is sober for the occasion, which surprises me, but then I see him head off to the bar. Figures.

I head over to the bar later to get some water for Annie when someone taps me on my shoulder.

"Finnick was a great guy, I'm sorry for your loss. You look amazing in black, by the way." I did look amazing in my dress. I turn around and see the same set of eyes I've been wondering about for nearly the past year. The same face that was my ticket out of Snow's grasp. The same person who was my first glimpse at hope.

"Hawthorne."

* * *

**A/N: R&R!**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Hey it's Brighton again. I haven't been doing much lately but here's the next chapter. I have my friend, let's call her Eliza, reading this and prototype chapters and she apparently loves it. Then again she once told me my hair didn't look frizzy at all and then I looked at it at I had an afro... :/ **

**I don't own these characters... I really wish I did. :/**

* * *

The reception is over and the bar is opened back up to others. They opened it up here a couple years ago, but for the upper class and victors of District 4. The laborers would never be able to afford to sit here and pay for the bill drink by drink.

At least Hawthorne is here to make the experience more enjoyable. He sits down next to me with two glasses of liquor.

"I haven't had this stuff in ages. Only when I was in the Capitol. Even then, I hated spending time with Capitol people." He smiles.

"Well. I call a toast." He raises his glass. "To Finnick. A brave soldier. A fearless tribute. A great husband and one. Amazing. Friend." I nod and clink my glass to his.

"He really was."

"What was he like? I really only knew him for about 6 months when he was in my training group."

My smile fades. I never planned to talk about him today. I didn't even speak at the service. I can't deal with it, even though a funeral is about closure. Might as well open up. So I down a large sip of liquor and begin.

"I met Finnick when I had my victory tour stop in District 4. I was seventeen and very unhappy that I had to face the families of the kids I killed after I won. He came up to me at their feast. We chatted, but he came off as slick and arrogant. I didn't like him. There was a party afterwards and he followed me to the punch bowl and asked me to dance. There was no getting rid of him. Reluctantly I agreed.

"He pulled me into the crowd of people, but we didn't stop to dance. We found a back door and- "

"Wait" Gale stops me mid sentence. "If your first memory of Finnick is some awkward sex thing... Then-" I smack him in the chest and jokingly glare at him.

"Hawthorne, I am appalled by your low expectations of me. No, that's not what happened. Let me finish.

"Once we were out of the building, Finnick drags me to the beach. He says we're going for a swim, because all victory tour parties are a drag.

"Let me tell you something. In January, no matter how warm it is here, the water is freezing. All the time. As soon as I popped up, I screamed. And everyone came out to see what that was, so me and Finnick ducked under water as fast as we could." Gale starts chuckling and soon he starts full on laughing.

"How long were you under water? Surely you had to come up sometime and face every one in soaking wet clothes."

"Well we were naked, so..." He stares at me but just shakes his head.

"Figures. Katniss told me about her first impression of you and him." I smile at the memory of the incident. He gulps his glass down. "Story!" I burst out laughing, but I continue.

"So, I was under water with him, waiting for the crowd to go away. We're about to come up when this otter appears. There was nothing promiscuous going on, but that otter gave me the most judgmental stare. Ever. You can imagine me, surviving the hunger games, but can't take being judged by an otter." Gale throws his head back and laughs and I join in. I realize something. "This is the first time I've laughed since... Since he died."

Gale's smile fades and he nods. "Me too. The end of the war was a hollow victory. But, why don't we forget everything for one night and continue to laugh."

So we do. We laugh about stories of Thirteen and Finnick. We talk about his job in Two. We talk about Annie and the baby. We drink until the attendant cuts us off. I've never felt so happy in a while. I can tell he hasn't either. It feels good to let go.

We stumble back to Annie's house and the light is still on for me. I turn towards Gale.

"I actually had a good time tonight. Thanks."

"I did too. I have to go. I'm on a train back to Two at noon. Goodnight." He kisses my cheek and I turn to leave, but he pulls me back. I look up and we kiss.

One kiss turns into another. Not in five minutes, I'm pressed against the wall with his body against mine. He breaks the embrace to open the front door when I remember.

"No! Annie's sharing with me while Katniss and Peeta are staying with us and the other bedroom is being turned into a nursery."

"Where should we go then?" I look around and stop at the shore behind the house. I grin at him and pull him even closer to me.

"How do you feel about the beach?"

* * *

The sun wakes me up rudely. Shit. I must have forgotten to set my alarm. Now I can't run. I notice my bed feels a lot different. And it's a lot hotter in my room than usual. Not to mention the naked man next to me.

I sit right up. I'm on the beach, not my room, with Hawthorne sleeping next to me. We're both naked, with a towel wrapped around us. Thank goodness no one's around. I look down at his face. The years are erased on his face when he sleeps. He looks younger, 16 even. But that can't last long.

I shift on top of him and give him the longest, most passionate kiss possible. He opens his eyes and kisses me back. "Morning."

"Thought I'd act a little more romantic today." He smiles but then jerks up.

"What time is it?" I look up at the sun.

"'bout eleven, maybe." I roll my eyes and lean in for another kiss when I gasp. "It's eleven! I have to sneak back in!"

"I have to be on a train in an hour. I don't think Paylor will accept 'I was sleeping with Johanna Mason' as an excuse for being late for my meeting. But I don't want to go." I sigh and stand up and pick up my dress from the sand. He gets up and starts putting his pants back on.

"Hawthorne." He looks up hopefully. "Call me, sometime." He grins. Oh, why not throw him a bone.

I walk over and kiss him while he wraps his arms around me. I pull away when I remember why I have to leave. I run up to the house with my dress and towel wrapped around me.

I sneak in through the back door, away from the kitchen. I can hear their voices laughing and smell some of Peeta's cooking. I realize I'm starving. I sprint to my room to change into clothes when I nearly collide into Peeta coming out of the bathroom.

"Oof! Johanna? Where were-" I clamp my hand down over his mouth.

"I. Am. Asleep." I whisper harshly. "You. Never. Saw. Me." I pull my hand away and he chuckles silently.

"You're acting like a teenager."

"Says the teenager."

"Just go get changed and eat with the rest of us." He playfully punches me in the shoulder and I walk into my room.

As I'm changing, I'm thinking about last night. It was amazing and I felt like myself for the first time in a while. I feel so much lighter now, freer, if that's possible. Not that I can tell anyone about this. Not for now at least.

* * *

**A/N: Please R&R! I'm really excited for Homecoming at my school this year because we have a character day... so I am totally going as Johanna! I'll upload a pic on tumblr when I make the costume :)))))))**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Hey, Brighton here. This is another chapter and right now I am extremely pissed off. My school is now NOT doing a character day for homecoming and I am left with a plan for an absolutley awesome Johanna Mason costume and a shattered heart... *tear tear* LOL. So here is the next chapter, READ AWAY MY BEAUTIMOUS FANS!**

* * *

"So, are you ever going to tell me what you were doing last night?"

I look up from my work and glare at Peeta. Its late afternoon and we were working on a crib for the baby when he comes. Annie and Katniss were visiting Lorraine and seeing the town. I was handling the wood pieces and he was painting an old rotting rocking chair.

"I'll spill when you do."

"About what exactly?" I look up incredulously. Surely he isn't that oblivious.

"Peeta, there is a reason I'm sharing with Annie and not Katniss or why you're not sleeping on the couch. Are you two-"

"No. We're just friends. We're trying to build a friendship back up and put everything behind us. Ever since Prim died, it's been horrible for her. A relationship is out of the question. Especially for us." He goes back to touching up the chair. "Your turn."

"It's out of the question." I say mockingly. I then feel paint being flinged on my back. "Careful Mellark. I'm holding a very sharp saw over here." He laughs.

"How did you learn how to do this? Build furniture?"

"It was my talent. When I first won, my brother and I would do this all day. Make chairs and give them away to the laborers. The paper mill and forest workers. I stopped after he died. Wasn't up to it." I shrug and get up to grab more wood to shape.

Working with wood again, felt great. I forgot how much I loved doing it. Cribs, I remember, were what we made the most. It seemed, no matter how hard they tried, the women just had more and more babies. Some said it was a Capitol conspiracy for the hunger games. We didn't care, we just made more cribs. After they all died, every time I looked at a crib, I felt like I was going to throw up. Because all I saw was Elaine, Sherrie, Victor and little Michael, all dead and bloody. As I look at my work now, though, all I see is a bronze-haired little boy playing around. Annie's son. Being free.

I put the last piece on the side and step away to look at it. I used driftwood, but it's strong and looks naturally formed, the way I like it. Like it rose from the sea. Annie will love it.

"Your crib."

"Wow that looks awesome. Nice job." He sits down by it and starts mixing paints. I leave to go get some water.

Once I get into the kitchen, the phone rings. Plutarch has been calling at least five times a day for the past two weeks because the public 'needs' exclusives with the victors. I will shoot him. I think I really will. I finally pick up to give him a piece of my mind.

"I swear Plutarch, if you call again; I'm going kill you with blunt ax so that you will feel every single stroke against your throat as you choke to death on your own blood before your head comes off!"

"In that case, should I call back later?" Hawthorne.

"I thought you had a meeting you couldn't miss."

"I'm still on the train with a colleague I picked up in Three. We're stopped for maintenance right now. Congratulations on scaring the hell out of him." I smile.

"My pleasure. Can I ask why you called?"

"Well you did say I could call you and I was also wondering why I found a pair of black lacy underwear in my pants pocket."

"I'm so glad your colleague heard that."

"Nah, he practically ran of the room when you delivered your death threat."

"Hah! Coward. You can keep them, I don't care."

"I really had an amazing time with you."

"I did too." I finally just blurt it out, to get it over with. "Can we keep this quiet? Last night? For a while? It's not very appropriate to talk about some one night stand you had right after your best friend's funeral."

"Course its fine."

"But I really did enjoy last night. I felt like I couldn't even grieve for him, because he wasn't mine; he was Annie's. She was the one who deserved to grieve you know? And I haven't even known how to feel about this for months. But for once in my life I forgot for one night."

"No, you need to grieve. Everyone needs a chance to mourn and then move on, no matter the way. it wasn't like you were his enemy or anything. But I understand where you're coming from. Believe me." He sighs heavily. "Oh look, Farish, you're back."

"Is Farish the one who's scared of me?"

"That's him."

"Wow."

"Well anyways, I'm back in Four for a couple of days three months from now and by then Annie's baby will be born. Maybe I'll see you then? Less drama and more of a happy occasion. "

"I'll think about it, but don't expect me to be waiting at the train station like an eager schoolgirl." He snorts and laughs.

"I'll see you then. Bye."

"Bye."

I hang up and sit there for a minute. Hawthorne was a pretty tolerable person. There are people in my life who I actually the company of. But when I talk to them, all I can remember is the Quell, the Capitol, Thirteen. I seem to forget all of that when I'm with Gale. He makes feel like I can open up for some reason, which is an accomplishment for anyone. I can't get him out of my head for some reason. Not that I care. Relationships aren't really what I'm looking for, but if I find someone to enjoy the ride with, let it happen.

I grab a glass of water and head back into the nursery. Peeta is painting the walls a sky blue. The crib is now adorned with cresting waves and vines. The water is the exact same color of the sea, the vines a dark evergreen. At the bottom of the crib is a beach, with a name written in the sand with a heart.

Finn Elliot Odair.

"It's gorgeous, Peeta." He starts but relaxes a little bit when he realizes it's me.

"Thanks, I don't know if I'll do anything to the walls, in case Annie would want to change the color later." I nod in agreement.

"Yeah, keep them plain. That way someone could hang pictures and not worry about covering something up."

"I like the name Annie picked out."

"Me too. Elliot's a good middle name. Her district partner and all..." I sit down against a dry part of the wall. "Everything's happening so quickly, people are having kids and moving on. Me? I'm living with my friend's pregnant widow in a coastal district and I can't even swim. Not exactly the plan I had in mind." Peeta stops painting and sits down with me.

"Well I didn't exactly plan on having flashbacks that can escalate into violence and losing half of my memories either, if that's what you mean by expected plans." Oh yeah. I forget he's much worse off than me. "Johanna, I don't think anyone's moving on. Every night, I hear Katniss scream for her sister to run. I'm not much better off either. I am also amazed that Annie's been so strong these past few days. And you have too."

"Thanks." I hear a door slam.

"We're back!" Katniss yells from the foyer.

"I'll clean up. You go on."

"Thanks." Peeta gets up and goes to talk to them while I start picking up the paints and putting them up in the box.

Once I finish putting everything I walk out into the kitchen. Annie's sitting down with a large bag of blue baby clothes. When I walk in she looks up.

"Jo! Look at this. Isn't it adorable? We went into town and one of the carts was selling all these clothes and I thought they would be perfect for Finn." She's smiling so hard admiring the clothes piece by piece; it even makes me grin a little.

I turn to Katniss. "How's your mother?"

"She's good. She likes the hospital, thinks she may stay working with pregnant women. She's got a small house down here and likes her patients... She's doing well." I can see how hard this is for her, luckily Peeta changes the subject.

"Do you guys want to see something?" They nod, looking confused. "Wait, Johanna, cover Annie's eyes." I do so and start leading her to the nursery along with Katniss and Peeta

Once we get there I uncover Annie's eyes. She practically squeals in delight.

"It's beautiful! The walls, the rocking chair and the crib. Is that driftwood? Where did you get it?"

Peeta points to me. "She pieced it together. It looks amazing." Annie hugs me as best as she can for a pregnant woman.

"It's beautiful. Thank you both."

"It really is impressive, Johanna. I never knew you could do that." Katniss says after a moment in awe. I smirk.

"' course, brainless. What do you think I did for six years, play cards?"

I look back over to Annie, who's on the verge of tears. She's smiling so big as she's looking around the room and rubbing her stomach.

"I can't wait to meet you, Finn. We all can't."

* * *

**A/N: as usual Read and Review! on a random note: I was bored and I heard about this girl on twitter called Amanda Beiber so I decided to check her out and see if she is that bad. She is... I'm moving back to Canada, society has failed me :/**


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: Hey, Brighton is back for more! Sorry about the late update, I got hammered with schoolwork and Homecoming. Woo! Anyway, I'm going to upload the next three chapters tonight, so Enjoy!**

* * *

It's a full moon tonight as it shines over the dark beach. It's calming, at this time, watching the waves crest from the back porch. No one's on the beach at this hour, so it's just the moon as the water moves gracefully on the beach.  
After dinner, we talked for a while. Soon, everyone left one by one to go to bed, leaving me on the porch with a lone glass of wine.  
"It's a pretty night. Much better than the ones in Twelve." I turn around and see Katniss standing behind me.  
"Well pull up a chair and enjoy it." She does as told and pours herself a glass of wine.  
"I kinda don't wanna leave tomorrow, but I have to go back."  
"You could stay; catch up with your mother."  
"Catching up with her is not as easy as it sounds." I look over and see her empty stare into the sea. I finally figure out the big gap I was missing.  
"Lorraine didn't want to go back to Twelve, did she?"  
"Said she couldn't. That it was too painful for her, with Prim and all. "  
"I couldn't go back to Seven." She looks up and turns to me with confusion.  
"Why not?"  
"Because when I think of Seven, I think of my father beating me in a drunken rage. My family's bodies lined up against my house waiting for my return. There's nothing left for me there." She looks at me horrified but I look out at the sea as I sip my wine. I don't need her pity.  
"Johanna, I-"  
I cut her off. "Save it. I hated my childhood. My childhood's over. No need to feel sorry for me."  
"What was your family like?"  
"My brother was amazing. He was able to leave and have a wife and a son while I was forced to leave school to work in the forest. I was ten. I moved in with him after my baby sister died. I was so happy then. We were still poor though. I had to take out tessarae when Sherry was pregnant with Michael. It killed Victor, but I told him not to worry. I told everything to him, no matter what it was. He was the one who I could call my family." I smile sadly thinking about him. I wish he never died. I wish no one had ever died.  
"Prim was like that. She was who I could call family. My mother was never there for us after my father died, so I had to take care of her. She was kind and wanted to be a doctor. She was fourteen. Too young." I see a tear cascade down her cheek. I raise my glass.  
"To Prim. I only spoke to her once when I was in the hospital. She was sweet, helpful and eager to become a doctor. She must have been an amazing sister and she was too young to go." Katniss clinks her glass to mine.  
"Cheers."  
"I had a sister once." I say as I finish my glass. "Her name was Elaine. My mother died when she was born, so I took care of her while my father drank. I took her everywhere with me. She was even strapped to my back while I was working in the forest. I protected her. I loved her."  
"What happened to her?" I take a deep breath.  
"My father killed her in a drunken rage when she was two. I was unconscious on the floor with a broken beer bottle next to my head. I was twelve and I had to bury my baby sister. No one should have to know what that's like."  
"No one." She chimes in. For once we agree on something.

* * *

_"Johanna!" I watch as Victor runs towards me in terror. There's a peacekeeper with a gun trailing him. I run to him without hesitation._  
_"Victor! Run!"_  
_"You stupid slut! You just laze around the house while there are perfectly good shifts out there!" Papa appears now, wielding a whiskey bottle. I see Elaine's body behind him, all bloody and lifeless._  
_This can't be happening._  
_"Johanna, what's going on? I can help you with this. What's happening with Ivan?" Sherry touches my shoulder, like she always used to when she knew I was upset._  
_When I look at her, she seems to fade away. I try to grab her hand, but she crumples to the ground with a bullet to the head._  
_"Jo, I love you, but why are you doing this to me?"_  
_"Ivan?"_  
_"Why didn't you tell me anything? I could have helped you! We could have worked it out!"_  
_"Ivan, I'm sorry. I-" I can only watch as the ax goes down._

* * *

I gasp and bolt up from the bed. I look over to Annie, who is still fast asleep. She looks peaceful at least, unlike me.  
I tiptoe out of bed to go and get some water. Once I get to the hallway next to the kitchen, I hear voices and stop.  
"I can't deal with this anymore Peeta. I can't even think of Prim without crying. I see their faces every night. Prim, Finnick, Boggs and everyone."  
"Shh, it's ok. It's not your fault. It's over now. Prim would want you to move on." Katniss lets out a broken sob.  
"And you- with your flashbacks...my fault-"  
"It is not your fault. I can handle them. It helps, being here with you." His voice is stern, but comforting in a way.  
"I just feel so alone. I never had my mother and now with Prim, I have nobody."  
"You have me." Smooth Peeta. Real smooth.  
I feel weird, listening in on a very intimate conversation like this, but ignore the feeling and wait for them to leave so I can get water and go to sleep. I also notice how silent it is now. Thinking they've left, I turn on the light in the kitchen.  
Not that I didn't expect it, but it still is shocking to see them locked in a passionate embrace. They break apart when they notice the light.  
I smirk. "Seriously? On the kitchen table? People eat there. At least move over to the couch." Katniss' face burns a deep red as I walk over to the fridge and get some water. I take more time to make the situation even more awkward for them. "Well, nighty night love birds."  
They stare at me with gaping mouths as I leave the room. I decide to make them even more uncomfortable. "Oh,  
and if you two do fornicate on the table, you are in charge of cleaning it up." I turn and go back to my room, silently chuckling at what they could possibly be thinking of me.  
I get back and I can't sleep. I have no idea why, I guess I have too many things on my mind. I think about Annie's baby, the crib, my brother, everything. It is happening so fast, but Peeta was right. About how it's hard to move on, we just have to be strong and hope for the best.  
I lay down next to Annie, who's smiling in her sleep and do what Peeta says. Hope for the best.

* * *

**A/N: Once again R&R and follow brighton97 on tumblr!**


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: Second update! Last chapter was fluff, fluff and more fluff. But I like fluff. Something exciting's happening in this chapter! Peace!**

* * *

Two weeks go by with little excitement. Katniss and Peeta left the next morning to go back to twelve. Their train I don't think left until noon but they probably didn't want to stay around and be reminded of their little make out session. When I told Annie about what happened that night she actually squealed out of joy.  
Hawthorne calls practically every day. I don't mind. He lives up in two working with national defense in case there are any Peacekeeper uprisings. They're still stamping them out. Mostly, he says, it's just paperwork. I finally told Annie about him after she picked up the phone one morning. She's happy for me. I'm pretty happy for me too.  
"Jo, can you pass me some eggs, I'm starving." I slide the plate across the table to Annie while she reads the paper.  
"... In other news, Secretary of national defense Gale Hawthorne-"  
"Annie, can you turn it up?" She nods and turns up the volume. Gale comes on the screen and starts talking.  
"... Basically we want to build the districts back up to their full strength as many were crippled by the rebellion. District Twelve, where I grew up, is a great example of this. We were able to start up a medicine factory there and close down the unsafe mines. The people there are very happy with this progress."  
Annie turns toward me. "Is that him?"  
"Yes."  
"He sounds nice."  
I smile. "He is." I get up to put my dish in the sink when I hear a crash.  
Annie is on the floor clutching her abdomen in pain. I run towards her immediately.  
"Annie? Are you ok? What happened?"  
"My stomach- There's this horrible pain- I can't-" Contractions. The baby's coming.  
"Annie. Everything's going to be ok. You're having contractions. Finn's going to be born today. I'm going to call Lorraine and get you to the hospital." I help her up into a chair and give her some water and call Lorraine.  
"Dr. Everdeens Office."  
"Lorraine. Annie's having the baby. "  
"I'll meet you at the hospital." I slam the phone down and get Annie out of her chair. The hospital isn't that far to walk.  
We get there after ten antagonizing minutes. Annie's contractions were getting closer and closer together and could barely stand up. Much less walk. Lorraine's standing there with a stretcher and helps Annie onto it. That's when she starts mumbling.  
"Elliot... Elliot, don't leave me... No!" All of a sudden, she screams. Loud. As loud as she did when- It clicks. As loud as when her district partner was beheaded.  
"She's having a flashback."  
"Well, talk to her." I hold on to Annie's hand and start talking.  
"Annie, you're in district 4. There are no more hunger games. You're having a baby. Finn Elliot Odair. That's the name you chose. You're going to be fine. You're gonna be fine..."  
"Finnick... I've missed you..." She looks dazed but her eyes are insane. She doubles over in pain as another contraction hits her. "No! Don't take him!" She's breaking. What am I going to do?  
We wheel her down the hall into the Surgery Ward. That's where she stops us.  
"Annie's going to have to be sedated and have a Caesarian Section to deliver. It's the only way she can safely. She's too unstable for anything else." I stand there shocked and unable to move. A surgeon comes up to us and takes Annie's stretcher into the room. I try to come with her but Lorraine blocks me.  
"I have to be there with her! I'm all she has!"  
"It's a sterilized room. You have to be medical staff or a patient to be back there, I'm sorry you're just going to have to wait." She walks into the room, leaving me alone in the hallway.

* * *

_"Sweetie, its best you come in here." The midwife says. She sent me out here when Mama started to have the baby. I can hardly contain my smile as I walk in. Will it be a boy or a girl? I can't wait to meet them._  
_When I look at her, I know something's wrong. Mama's got her eyes closed, mumbling something and Papa is by her head. I rush to her side._  
_"Mama? What's wrong?"_  
_"Johanna, my baby girl. I love you; take care of your sister."_  
_"I love you too Mama, but why are you telling me this?"_  
_"I'm dying sweet pea. I just wanted to see you one last time."_  
_"Why are you saying goodbye." My voice is breaking. This isn't happening._  
_"Goodbye baby girl. You be amazing one day." With that note, she took one deep breath and was still._  
_"Mama? Mama! Wake up!" The tears flow down my face like a river. I need my Mama. She can't be gone. The midwife puts her hand on my shoulder as I wipe away tears._  
_"She's gone sweetie. She's at peace." She holds the baby in her arms and coos at her. Her. I have a sister. "Do you want to hold her?"_  
_"Yes." The midwife hands her to me carefully. She has rich auburn hair like me with bright green eyes. I love her already. "What's her name, Papa?"_  
_"I don't give a damn, I need a bottle." He gets up and pushes past me to the kitchen. The shock overflows. He was never really there as a father to me but he should care about his newest daughter. Figures. I stand there motionless and my baby sister starts to cry._  
_"Don't cry, Elaine. That's your name, Elaine... Rose Mason. I promise, I'll never let anything hurt you."_

* * *

"Ever."  
"Miss?" I look up. A woman is standing in front of me in the waiting room.  
"Yeah?"  
"Do you know where the burn unit is?"  
"No. Sorry I don't." She nods and walks away. I pick up a newspaper when she turns back. "Hey, I know you, you're-"  
"Keep walking." I say without skipping a beat, appalled by her audacity. I'm in no mood to sign an autograph. Ever.  
I hate waiting. Waiting for something like this is the worst. Annie's going to be ok, I keep telling myself, she's fine.  
After about 2 hours, Lorraine walks up in scrubs.  
"Is she ok? Is the baby ok?" She smiles.  
"Why don't you see for yourself?"  
Annie sleeps peacefully in the bed while Finn is in a crib next to her. He is exactly Annie, with his brown almost black hair, his nose and his porcelain skin. He doesn't cry, but he sleeps with a beautiful look on his face.  
Annie stirs and squints at me.  
"Jo?"  
"Hey, how are you?" She sits up.  
"Tired. Where am I?"  
"You're in the hospital but everything's ok. Better actually." I smile down at her but she just gives me a perplexed look.  
"What's going on?"  
"Annie, would you like to meet your son." She sits there in awe as I pick up Finn and hand him to her. Tears well up in her eyes as she looks at him for the first time.  
"He's beautiful." As soon as he hears her speak, Finn's eyes snap open and I gasp. Not Annie's dark green eyes he receives, but his. I would recognize those sea green eyes anywhere. Annie notices too and the tears roll down her cheeks. "He's got Finnick's eyes. You have your father's eyes Finn. And my hair. You're perfect." She kisses his forehead and strokes his cheek. Finn starts fussing.  
"He's probably hungry. You should feed him. I have to make some calls." Annie nods and I walk out to the nurses' station. I dial the first number.  
Four rings and he picks up. "Hello?"  
"Seven pounds six ounces. He's gorgeous."  
"That's great. How's Annie?"  
"She's really happy, Peeta. I haven't seen her smile like that since the wedding."  
"What's Finn look like?"  
"He's Annie. His skin. His nose. His hair. But his eyes... Peeta, they're an exact replica of Finnick's. I can't really describe him that well. Annie's in love with him already. That kid will never walk because she'll never let go of him." He laughs.  
"That's really amazing. Send us a picture soon. You have to come up soon." I hear Katniss say something in the background. "I have to go, but tell Annie congrats." I say I will and he hangs up.  
Only two rings this time before Hawthorne picks up. "Gale Hawthorne."  
"Gorgeous, guess who's an aunt?" He chuckles.  
"I'm guessing Annie had the baby. What's his name?"  
"Finn Elliot Odair. Seven pounds six ounces. He looks exactly like Annie. Except for his eyes. That's all Finnick."  
"Sounds great. I guess I can meet him and Annie when I'm in town soon, if you'll have me."  
"Definitely. Annie wants to meet you as well. I'll see you then."  
"Bye."  
I walk into the room and Annie's rocking Finn.  
"... I love you Finn. You have a whole family who loves you. There's Katniss and Peeta and your Aunt Johanna." She says this as she notices me in the doorway. "You're going to be amazing, just like your father."  
"And like his mother." She smiles.  
"I really hope so." I look down at Finn. He starts to doze off again, enveloped in a soft blanket in Annie's arms.

* * *

**A/N: Yay! Babies and such! Now I have to go and research baby development...**


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: Look! More fluff! I know I'm boring you but things will get good in a couple of chapters. Promise! Third update, btw**

* * *

The train ride seems different. Usually, I hate every single moment I'm on it but for once I enjoy the ride. I walk over from the dining car and to Annie and my compartment. She's on the floor, playing with Finn.  
He's gotten big over the last month. Every day, he gets bigger it seems. Finn doesn't cry much either. He slept through the night as soon as Annie brought him home. He just fusses when he wants Annie to feed him. Whenever he sees anyone, he smiles. To be honest, its like I'm looking at Finnick again...  
"Did the dining car have anything?" Annie asks when I sit down.  
"Yes. There were some chips and some bottled drinks." I hand her some chips. She stands up.  
"How long until we get into Twelve?"  
"Any minute now, hopefully. I haven't been in years. I have no idea what it looks like now."  
"I've never seen Twelve." I forgot. They cancelled her victory tour after she won. I don't blame them. Finnick hated to talk about what happened to her shortly afterwards. She's never seen anything but district 4.  
"Well you get a chance to see it now."  
The train pulls into the station and we get off. I see a very familiar baker waiting for us outside.  
"Mellark, I thought you had to work." He grins and hugs both of us.  
"I own that place, I think I'm allowed a day off. Besides, I have one of the Hawthorne's to cover for me." He looks down at Finn in Annie's arms. "Is that Finn?"  
Annie smiles. "Yep."  
"He looks a lot like you Annie."  
"Thanks."  
We walk back with him to his and Katniss' house. Snow has fallen already and I can see Annie's shivering. I don't think she's ever seen snow in district 4. She ignored me when I told her to bring a coat. We pass through the square and I see the changes since I was here nearly seven years ago. The squares been turned into a social place with carts out and firewood for sale. The mood seems a little happier. Shops are open with everyone inside and the mines are closed off from what you can see. The reconstruction is almost done but not quite.  
We get up to the victor's village when I see Katniss walking in with a large deer across her shoulders. When she sees us, she drops it and jogs over.  
"You're here! It's so nice of you to come." She hugs Annie and me and notices Finn.  
"Is that Finn? He looks so much like you Annie. He's beautiful." Annie smiles with pride. We get inside their house. "Sorry it's a little messy; I'm not a really good housekeeper."  
"Neither am I." I admit. She smiles and walks out to attend to the doe.  
Her house looks a lot like mine back in Seven. The kitchen and living room is exactly the same. Only hers looks more lived in. The TV was on in the background. The sofas in the living room were warm and inviting. The kitchen was in the middle of a preparation of dinner. A fire was burning in the middle too. I think mine might still have a chair and a table still. I don't really care.  
"How was the train?" Peeta asks, bringing me out of my thoughts.  
"It was nice, a lot better without the threat of death lingering with you." Annie looks slightly horrified as soon as the words come out of my mouth. "Sorry."  
Finn starts fussing, about to cry and Annie has to leave the room to feed him.  
"How is she?" Peeta finally asks.  
"Good, I would tread lightly on Hunger Games stuff. That's her trigger. But I can tell she loves being a mom. It's what keeping her together. Finn's her whole world, even when she was pregnant with him."  
"What about you?"  
"I tolerate the kid. He's lucky he hasn't woke me up in the middle of the night." Peeta chortles.  
"I meant what's going on with you."  
"The same. I run. I go into the square. Help Annie with Finn. The same routine every day. Honestly it's too mundane for me."  
"I guess daily calls with Gale are what's keeping you together." I nearly fall out of my seat. He grins. "Annie told me. She also figured out you never were asleep in your room the day after the funeral." I stare at him with a dumbfounded look. "She may be mad, but she isn't stupid. Don't worry Katniss doesn't know and it's probably best she doesn't for a while."  
"Why?" I ask stupidly. He looks at me perplexed.  
"You don't know."  
"Know what?"  
"The bombs that ended the war. He designed them with Volts. The bombs were what killed Prim." I'm at a loss for words. I knew he helped develop weapons in Thirteen but I never knew about the bombs. I always thought they were the capitol's design.  
"It makes sense." I finally say. "The live broadcast, that's Plutarch. Specifically Capitol children, Coin without a doubt. It was a intro to her games." He nods in agreement.  
"That's why she shot her. Coin would have been the exact same."  
"I knew it." Annie walks in without Finn; probably put him down for his nap in her room. "She mentioned something like that the last time I saw her in Four." She smirks. "You'd be surprised on how much I can pick up on."  
"Anyways," Peeta continues. "I think you should not mention it to her. Just for now. You understand what I mean right?"  
I nod. "Yeah." I decide to change the subject. "So, how are things between you and Katniss?" He blushes with embarrassment. "No I haven't forgotten about the last time I saw you guys."  
"It's kinda hard to explain."  
"Well tell us and we'll decide." Annie sits down, interested in the conversation  
"Are you guys dating?" She asks barely containing her excitement.  
Peeta stutters a little bit trying to explain, but I stop him in his tracks.  
"Yes or No, Peeta. Or she will be relentless." I say pointing to Annie.  
He sighs. "Yes."  
Annie's squeals can probably be heard by the whole district.  
Katniss walks back in with some fresh cuts of venison in her hands and smears of deer blood on her.  
"I had to go down to the butcher and sell most of the meat. The rest i was going to give to the Hawthorne's and Haymitch but Rooba insisted I keep these cuts. Eventually she will have to take my offers, no matter how stubborn she is. Anyways, I have dinner."

* * *

"Haymitch, pass the potatoes." I say as snarky as possible to the old drunk. He glares as me and slides them across the table.  
"It would help if you asked nicely."  
"Am I nice person?" I say sarcastically. Ahh, I missed this seven year old banter.  
Annie pipes up. "I saw the painting in the hallway, Peeta? Did you do it? It looks really good." He looks up from his meal.  
"Yes. Thank you. I did it last week actually."  
"What is it of?" I ask.  
"Prim." Katniss answers. The silence that follows is awkward, the mood changes immediately with her answer. Finally I have to say something.  
"I'm sure it's beautiful. I'll have to look at it after dinner." I see a ghost of a smile from Katniss.  
"It is."  
Haymitch finishes his meal and stands up to leave. "I'm goin' home. I'm out of liquor by the way, do you have any left?" Katniss glares at him with such ferocity he leaves without a goodbye. I have to suppress a snort because of the look on his face.  
We resume eating and chatting, only to be interrupted by the phone ringing. Katniss gets up to answer it, but walks away.  
"Plutarch. No way in hell I'm answering." This is too good an opportunity to miss out on.  
"Wait let me answer." Katniss raises her eyebrows in amusement.  
"Really?"  
"Really." She motions for me to answer the phone. I get up and pick up the receiver before the call goes missed.  
"Katniss? How are you? I was wondering if you would want to-"  
"Plutarch, its Johanna."  
"Johanna, it wonderful to hear from you! You should probably know that-"  
I cut him off again. "Listen. I don't care about whatever your next project is. No one does. None of us want to be flogged with cameras for the rest of our lives. And, I don't know what Katniss would do, but if you ever call us in district 4 again, I will personally go down to the Capitol and beat you with the blunt end of my ax so hard that you will walk sideways for the rest of your pathetic little life." He mumbles some excuse and hangs up. I walk back to the table in triumph. "And that is how you get things done."  
Annie suppresses a giggle while Katniss and Peeta stare at me like I have horns growing out of my scalp. Pretty soon, they start laughing and I can't help but join in on all of them.  
I really missed moments like these. It feels like Victor and Sherry are here with me still. Ivan even, but he wasn't much for humor. But that's the past. This is the present. And for once I'm happy.

* * *

**A/N: Oh Johanna! I so want to do this to a telemarketer someday.**


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: Last update of the day! Fluffy, but a little background on Johanna's home life and Ivan. Read on!**

* * *

"It's fucking freezing out here."  
"I told you to borrow a jacket of mine but you wouldn't listen."  
"I'm usually tougher than this."  
Katniss laughs. It's early in the morning and I'm out with her in the woods hunting. The sun hasn't come up yet and I can no longer feel my toes. Ice patches are everywhere and I've slipped twice. Nothing's come by yet. All of a sudden, we hear a twig snap. Katniss' head shoots up.  
"Did you hear that?" She barely whispers. I nod, careful not to move.  
She raises her bow and starts slowly moving toward the noise and beckons for me to follow. I do so, as quietly as I can. A doe appears about 100 feet away from us, but Katniss doesn't. I stop in my tracks and se turns toward me with an annoyed expression. I point to the deer. The arrow flies into her skull.  
"Damn it. The eye would've been nice."  
"I'll skin her while you find another one." I offer.  
"You sure?" She says skeptically.  
"Yeah. My steps are heavy and I'll just sit at the fence working." She shrugs in agreement. I take up the doe across my shoulders and head back to the fence.  
I never really hunted in Seven, working in the lumber yard was enough to get money for dinner every night. But if a rabbit or fox was unlucky to cross our paths, off came the head and the meat went to the first who spotted it. Skinning was easy. Chop off the head and hooves no one would eat that. Kind of reminds me of when-

* * *

_"You suck at this." I hear someone say. A boy around my age is standing behind me looking at my rabbit I killed in the lumber yard. It was pretty gruesome, but meat was meat._  
_I glare at him. "No one asked your opinion." He laughs. That only makes me angrier. "You know, some people need to work so they can, like, feed their families."_  
_He raises his eyebrows. "Yeah, and those people are adults with no school to go to. You look only ten. Why are you out here?"_  
_"I don't go to school." I say matter of factly. I leave out the part where my father pulled me out because he can't get off the damn couch to go out and work and I'm anxiously waiting to finish my shift so I can get home to Elaine and check for bruises._  
_"Lucky."_  
_"You look the same age as me, why are you here."_  
_"Group home." He says nonchalantly. "Every other day I go to school. The other days I just work here." He Sits down beside me and takes the rabbit out f my hand and starts fixing up my bad job of skinning it. "This isn't so bad, you just have to practice more. I'm surprised you even killed it. Most girls would try to keep it as a pet. You took the head clean off!"_  
_"That's how you kill it." I say. Cuteness doesn't apply when you're hungry and want something besides whiskey in the house. "What's your name?"_  
_"Ivan." He smiles and I decide to go ahead and keep him as a friend, the rabbit looks great._  
_"Johanna." I hold out my hand and he shakes it._  
_"So, Miss Johanna? What do you plan to do now that you have your kill?"_  
_"I have to finish the last hour of my shift sanding lumber." He gets excited._  
_"Me too! I'll help you." He leads me over to the lumber yard. I'll tolerate him._

* * *

"Johanna!" Katniss has been staring at me for at least 3 minutes now.  
"What?"  
"I said good job. It looks great, now will you help me get these to the butcher?" She seems exasperated, but I would be too if I had to carry two large deer back all by myself because your partner wasn't responding.  
"Yeah, sorry. Got lost in my thoughts for a minute." I swing the very large buck she dragged here over my shoulders and she takes the doe.  
"Wow. I haven't seen anyone do that since-" She stops herself, as if her next words were unspeakable.  
"Since what?" I pry, not caring if she gets offended.  
"Since I used to go hunting with Gale. It was too hard for me to lift the big kills like deer and cougars when I was younger, so he would take them for me." She sighs and kicks a rock with her boot. "That's in the past. Things have happened and I don't look back with regret." I nod, not really knowing what to say.  
We sell the doe to the butcher and she offers to make venison steaks with the buck as well. The sun is up now and I can get some of the feeling back in my toes. My neck is like ice. If only my hair would grow longer than this mid neck cut. We go to the bakery to say hi to Peeta, who's setting up for the day.  
Annie's there sitting at the counter with Finn in a carriage next to her sleeping. She looks up when Katniss and I walk in.  
"I have never seen you up this early." I say surprised. She shrugs.  
"I had to get up to feed Finn and Peeta said I could come with him to the bakery." She holds out a cookie for me. "Want one? They're really good. I've had nearly a whole batch."  
"The only reason she's had a whole batch is because every time I turn around for one second, one goes missing off the tray!" Peeta yells jokingly from the back.  
"Shut up Mellark and make another batch for us!" I yell with my mouth full of chocolate goodness.  
He comes out with a hot tray of chocolate chip cookies. "Here. Just so you guys don't eat me out of business. Annie how do you do that?" I look down at the tray and notice the three missing cookies and the crumbs in Annie's hand.  
"I was hungry." She says innocently.  
I start laughing hysterically while the others look at me like I'm insane. "She's from a fishing district." I explain. "You have to be fast to catch a loose fish from a net. I honestly don't know how you didn't piece it together." I look down and notice three more are missing and look at Annie.  
"What? It wasn't me." Katniss is just sitting there, with a cookie that just disappeared into her mouth.  
She looks amused. "They're good."

* * *

"Grr." I hear someone say from inside the bathroom. It's late afternoon and were all at their house relaxing. I hear another frustrated sound from inside it again. This time I knock to see what the hell is going on.  
"Is anyone in there?" The door opens and Katniss is sitting there with a brush and very tangled hair.  
"I can't fix it."  
"Your hair?"  
"Yes! It's still uneven and I cannot fix it! Should I just cut it off?" Her hair was pretty mangled.  
"It just needs to be trimmed to one length." I step in and take the brush from her and grab the scissors next to her. "Here. I'll do it."  
"Thanks." She says meekly.  
I start by brushing out all of the tangles. After what seems like a quarter of her hair is attached to the brush, it's smooth and I can see what I'm dealing with. She has some bald spots that were singed off in the bombing. The hair has grown back a little, even after all the burn Damage. The back of her hair goes down to the middle of her back, but the length is so uneven, so of it stops at her shoulders. A good place to start. At least the singed parts are growing back after all this time. I comb her hair so it will cover the bald spots and look less damaged.  
"How did you learn how to do this?"  
"My sister-in-Law. She was appalled by my lack of attention to my hair, so she practically spent every night teaching my how to braid and do buns so it would look good. She loved playing with it and trying something that she saw on another girl at the square. Annoying? Yes. But kind of nice that she wanted to look after me." Oh. Sherry. I miss her. I motion for Katniss to lean her head into the sink. "I need to wet it before I can even it."  
"How short?"  
"About to your shoulders. It'll be healthier if I cut it."  
"At least your hair grew back even." she says dryly.  
"True, but I hate what it looks like right now. I may need the scissors after you." She smiles. I grab the scissors and prepare to cut her hair. "Alright, let's chop this up."  
I begin to cut her hair off in large thick sections. I've done this to my own hair ever since I could hold a pair of scissors and never looked absolutely horrible. I was never one obsessed with personal appearance, but I took pride in my long wavy hair. But then my ponytail was cut off during a struggle with that idiot from 1 in my first games and the Capitol decided spiky hair was best for me. Whatever. It's hair. It grows back. I step back and look at my handiwork. Her hair just touches her shoulders and the bald spots are hidden from view. Katniss looks in the mirror.  
"Wow. How did you do that?"  
"Every girl from Seven knows how to do that. We're a pretty self sufficient district." She walks out of the bathroom.  
I sit down on the edge of the bathtub and look at my hair in the mirror. It grew back up to the middle of my neck, but I hate it. It looks too much like the old Johanna, and that girl's long gone. I grab the scissors and get to work.

* * *

_"Just let me see if I can do something with it!"_  
_"This is the only style you can do with my hair. Nothing else!" I exclaim to Sherry. She has me trapped in the bathroom trying to mess with my hair. It must be her way of welcoming me back after my victory tour. She sighs in defeat._  
_"At least let me look at it." I sit down and let her work. I'll never admit it, but I like when she does this. It's tiring to pretend to not care._  
_I sit back and relax as she brushes my hair. I focus on her nimble fingers on my scalp and try not to think about the Capitol. Not about those... Men devouring me, taking what wasn't theirs and shoving me out the door before their wives came home. I have never felt dirtier in my entire life. Instead I think about her hands massaging me as she brushes my hair and plays with it._  
_"I thought you were growing it out." She says with a hint of remorse._  
_"They cut it back again as soon as they saw me." I hate my prep team. Except Cinna, the somewhat normal one. He told me he liked my hair long. At least there's someone with their head screwed on straight. And with the absence of purple hair. I suppress a giggle at the thought of Garnishe with even her purple eyebrows._  
_My giggle's gone when Sherrie pulls the neck of my shirt away from the mark on my neck I've been trying to hide._  
_"What's this?"_  
_"A bruise?"_  
_"On your neck?! Sweetie, I know a hickey when I see one." She turns me around to her eyes, but I avert mine. She can't know about the threat hanging over her head like a noose. "Johanna? Are you and Ivan having problems or-"_  
_"No." I exhale. "You don't understand." I'm blinking back tears now, but my voice remains unwavering._  
_"No." She sits there horrified. I nod slowly._  
_"Yes." She lets out a loud sob and wraps me in her arms._  
_We cry together._

* * *

I step back from the sink to examine my handiwork. The back of my hair ends at the nape of my neck while the front descends to my jaw line.  
I feel new. I feel amazing. For once I don't feel broken. And I love every minute of it.

* * *

**A/N: I was in a hair and beauty mood when I wrote this if you can't tell. Oh yeah: I am currently working on a manuscript right now for a novel. My friends have been telling me to write more of my own stuff and I am taking up their offer. I'll let you know how it goes. R&R!**


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: Hey, it's Brighton. Honestly who else? ;) Sorry about lateness I did upload four chapters in one night last week though. I also want to apologize if some of you had trouble reading them because of the spacing, I will fix that hopefully soon. Anyway, here's Chapter 10.**

**I am not Suzanne Collins, but it pains me to say each time I have to write this...**

* * *

Hawthorne's train is an hour late. This leaves me standing here in the unusually cold wind without at coat. Annie had neglected to mention the one week a year district Four has normal weather for winter until after I had given away my coats to other families. It was bearable until the sun went down right after I got there. No one else is at the station; a couple of freights are stationed to deliver coal and grain. Finally one pulls in. I grit my teeth and hope he's on this one.

He looks good since the last time we saw each other. Galen's hair was shaved, leaving a soft down on the top of his head. He's smiling, laughing at the person next to him.

"Look Farish, I didn't say I didn't like your proposal, I just said it had flaws."

"Meaning it sucked."

"Basically. My point is-" Gale stops in his tracks when he sees me standing there waiting for him. He drops his bag at the feet of Farish, walks over and kisses me.

We break apart. "Miss me, Gorgeous?"

He smiles. "I thought you said you wouldn't be here looking like an eager school girl." I punch him in the shoulder.

"I decided that I would be a nice person and pick you up but then you were late-"

"The train broke down in Five." Farish comes up to us with Gale's bag.

"Here's your fucking bag that weighs a thousand pounds by the way. But you wouldn't know that would you?" Farish is short. With bright red hair and a small frame, he doesn't look like he's ever seen a barbell.

Gale motions to me. "Johanna, this is a colleague of mine, Farish. Farish, this is Johanna. The one who scared the crap out of you on the phone."

He sighs in exasperation. "She didn't scare me; I just don't take well to someone threatening to decapitate me. Hi Johanna, the name's Farish."

I take his outstretched hand. "Pleasure."

Gale turns to me. "Well, you said you'd escort me."

I raise my eyebrows in amusement. "Did I?" He chuckles and throws his arm around me as we leave Farish.

"Come on. I'll show you where I'm staying."

* * *

The house was small, only one level, but well made. The Capitol built these in every district as outposts for government workers visiting the districts. One bedroom with a sitting room and kitchen equipped with a Capitol computer designed to talk to someone face to face.

"Not too shabby." I say to Gale, as he returns with two glasses of wine.

He shrugs. "I don't mind it. But Paylor can turn that thing on and bitch me out every minute of the day." He points to the monitor. I laugh.

"At least that's only here."

"Oh no. I have one in my office and my house in Two. I've had some very lovely conversations with her at three am."

"Fun." I sit next to him, sipping my drink, practically on his lap when I notice the guitar. "Is that yours?" I point to it in the far corner of the room.

"No. None of this is mine. I don't even play."

I get up and grab it from its stand. It's beautiful, the wood hand crafted with small etchings along the frets. The pick guard made from tortoise shell, a Capitol material that the craftsmen back home could never afford. I strum out an A minor, rejoicing that I still remember.

Gale looks at me with interest. "You play?"

I nod. "A way to relax after a long shift. My father hated it, but when I lived with Victor... He made sure music flowed through the house. I loved it."

"Must've been nice."

I nod. "It was." I turn my head back to my fingers as they dance across the neck, creating a melody full of love and beauty. My hands move of their own accord, telling a story through music.

"That's amazing." Gale says.

"Thanks. Victor taught me. Every family usually could play and instrument and they would hand it down and teach their children generation after generation." I respond while still playing. "My father never cared more music. Whiskey was more appealing. My shifts were long, when I lived with him. Over twelve hours. I would get home late and after I ate dinner, I would spend the rest of my energy playing, if he didn't throw a bottle at my head."

"How old were you?"

"Eleven. I had to take care of my baby sister, Elaine, too. He pulled me out of school when I was ten to work in the lumber yard. The others took pity on me. Threw me some of their lunch, helped me pop my shoulder back in-"

"What?" Gale's eyes were about to pop out of his head.

"I was ten, wielding an ax half my size. Not that bad. Grab a stick to keep you from biting your tongue off and you're good to go."

"That sounds... Awful."

"Well what were the mines like?"

His laughter was cut short. "Dark. And hot. The physical exertion wasn't as bad, but what it does to your mind is what gets you. The canary testing for bad air is what keeps you sane. Listening to their singing. You feel trapped, like you will never see the sun again." I stop strumming. "My father died in an explosion. I was thirteen. I had to feed my family and know that I could face that same fate five years later. I never want to go back there again."

"I never will go back to Seven." I admit. "I don't want to think about my father or Victor or Elaine or Sherry or Michael."

"Is your father still alive?"

I have to think for a minute. "It's been over ten years. I hope he is dead, maybe then ill get closure."

Gale nods in assent and I pick the guitar to play again. He rests his head on my shoulder as I strum. I turn toward him and mine my face inches from his. His grey eyes staring my brown ones down. His olive complexion contrasting with my fair skin and freckles as we get closer and closer. Our lips touch.

Pretty soon, Gale's in my lap instead of the guitar. At first, He kisses me softly, then more aggressively. He slips his tongue into my mouth and I let out a small moan. His hands wrap around my waist and mine run through his hair. My shirt falls to the floor and so does his. I marvel at the defined muscles, the smooth planes and warmth of his body. He looks up at me and I smirk.

"My turn."

I push him down on the couch and climb on top of him. I kiss him and our tongues meet once again. He looks surprised but kisses back harder. He moves his lips down my neck and his hands move up on my back and meet the strap of my bra. His fingers it for a moment, testing the water and then the bra joins our clothes on the floor. His eyes travel down my torso, watching my curves and heaving chest. He meets my eyes.

"My turn" He says and rolls me over so my back is on the couch.

His hands are rough. I can feel the callousness of his fingers as he runs them all over my body. Caressing my breasts, stroking my hips. But they are gentle, small and nimble movements of his fingers entice me even more. You can't say the same for my hands. Gripping his neck and holding on for dear life, exploring the planes of his chest with a hidden desperation. Our kisses are passionate and full of lust. But our need for mutual pleasure doesn't even seem to curb the overwhelming desire. I bury myself into his collarbone, brushing my lips wherever they touch. He moans in pleasure. He runs his hand through my hair; I respond my wrapping my legs around his waist. I pull him as close as two people can physically be. I twirl my fingers around his chest, tracing the muscles while he admires my body, leaving a trail of kisses across my breasts. I get closer and closer and nibble on his earlobe to which he replies with another moan. His arms seem to wrap around my waist twice. We shift so I'm straddling his lap and my fingers find his belt buckle. We break apart for a moment and all barriers between skin are removed.

No other explanation can suffice for what happens next.

* * *

"Please Paylor, I just need two weeks off."

"Hawthorne, your assignments have been late and the only reason I sent you to four is for you follow up on your report. You're back on a train tonight."

My eyes snap open. I'm on the couch in the Capitol house completely naked. Voices are coming from inside the kitchen. I rise up and look across the room at a frustrated Gale talking to someone on the computer monitor.

"Look, those assignments were late because I was trying to move into my place in Two. I have never had a day off and I am completely exhausted. I need a change of scenery"

The woman on the screen gives him an exasperated look. "If I do give you your two weeks, does that mean all of your assignments will handed in the minute you step back in the office?"

"Yes. Absolutely. Everything will be completed and I will be back and working with everybody else."

"You are on thin ice; I want you to know that." She sighs in defeat. "Fine. Two weeks. Five assignments on my desk when you get back."

"Thank you so much, Paylor."

"Oh and Hawthorne?"

"Yeah."

"Your 'scenery' has been watching this conversation for at least five minutes now." He whips around to look at me. "Goodbye."

I stand up and walk over to him, not caring about clothes, feeling slightly guilty. "Was I not supposed to see that?"

He smiles. "No, just me getting my ass handed to me by my boss." He stands up and kisses me good morning. "Do you want breakfast?"

"Sure, what do you have?"

"Eggs, Coffee and cereal." He points to a skillet on the stove and we eat what he already prepared for us.

"So you're staying here for two weeks?" I ask him with my mouth full of eggs.

"Yeah. The 'scenery' entices me." I smile and go over to him and sit down on his lap.

"So you like the scenery?" I say in his ear.

"Definitely. The choppy waves," He runs his fingers through my hair. "The smell of the ocean," He grazes my jaw. "And of course, the salty taste of everything." His lips find mine. Then someone knocks on the door.

I sigh and stand up to find a shirt while he answers the door.

"Farish. Now's not a good time."

"Hawthorne we need to go to the Justice Building. Now."

"I got two weeks off."

"Yeah, Paylor called me just before I went over her. You still have today. Let's go." Gale looks back over at me.

"Would you hate me terribly if I left?"

I smile. "I'll live."

He turns back to Farish. "Gimme five."

He leaves to go get changed, leaving me in just a t shirt and Farish in the room.

He raises his eyebrows at me. "You his girlfriend?"

"Dunno. You his boyfriend?" I fire back, annoyed at his tone.

He chuckles. "Fair enough." After a pause, "He really likes you, you know. He almost never eats with the rest of the guys at lunch in order to call you and when he does, you're all he talks about. It's a bit annoying actually, to hear about some mystery woman only fifty percent of us were convinced was real."

"Now you have proof." I retort. Gale walks back in fixing a tie around his neck.

"I'm ready. Bye Johanna." He kisses me on the cheek and leaves with Farish.

I finish dressing in the clothes of last night. 'He really likes you' rings in my ears. For some reason, it makes me smile uncontrollably and unable to stop.

I guess I kinda like him a lot too, I think to myself as I leave to go check on Annie.

* * *

**A/N: Well? Wrote this on a whim, let's face it they needed a scene like this. I was listening to Maroon 5 the entire time. Songs like "Harder to Breathe", "Hands all Over" and "One More Night" describe their relationship so well, please check them out. R&R!**


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: I need to stop procrastinating. I'm pretty sure I have a mountainload of Chem homework and now the procrastination has migrated into my writing. Ah well, at least I got a chapter up... Enjoy!**

**I am not Suzanne Collins, Suzanne Collins wouldn't have let 4 days worth of Chem homework pile up because she was reading Cyanide and Happiness...**

* * *

When I unlock the front door and walk in, I know something is horribly wrong. Finn's cries are coming from his room and Annie sits on the couch with a stony face. Her dinner I set out sits untouched on the kitchen table. She makes no effort to acknowledge my presence.

I first run to Finn's room and get him out of his crib. He's red in the face from screaming his little heart out and, based on the smell of diaper, needs to be changed. I walk out into the kitchen holding him and grab a bottle out of the refrigerator. Thank goodness Annie started weaning him onto normal milk. As soon as the bottle's in his mouth, he stops fussing and calms down.

Once he's finished and he has a clean diaper, Finn falls asleep and I lay him down in his crib. I now tend to Annie.

"Annie, what happened?"

She turns to me with her glassy eyes clearing up. "You didn't come back last night."

Shit. I knew I forgot to do something. "Oh Annie, I'm sorry. I should've called. I was with Gale. Remember I told you I was going to go meet him." She nods slowly. "How long have you been sitting here."

"All night. They showed a program last night. It was about the war." Oh, Shit. If it was about the war, then they showed him. At least once. I really should've called. I think of Finn's cries that I heard this morning.

"Annie, how long has it been since Finn was fed?"

She thinks for a moment. "Yesterday at lunch. I'm sorry Jo. I forgot."

I hug her, but notice how tired she looks. Like she didn't sleep all night.

"Come on, you need to sleep." She nods and walks back to her room.

I turn back to the TV that she was staring at. Some Capitol show is on, with a purple hair woman reading the news.

"... In other news, tomorrow is the 1 year anniversary of Panem's independence. All broadcasts will be canceled in order to display all names of those who passed fighting valiantly for their country. Also a memorial building commemorating the innocent lives lost in The Hunger Games and in the War that is at the moment finishing construction, will be opened in two weeks for all of Panem to enjoy."

A Hunger Games memorial. And to think the same woman was probably betting on who would win just last year. The phone rings and I grab it before it can wake Annie.

"What?"

"Johanna, did you see the news?"

"Mellark. Hey. Yeah I saw it. What about it?"

"Effie called our house and said all the victors were invited out for the opening the night before."

Fuck. I have no intention of setting foot in the Capitol again. And I tell Peeta exactly that.

"Well, I didn't either but at least you and Annie can get away with not going."

I grimace. I forget he's worse off than me. "I would just stand in the back, stuffing my face and not be noticed by anybody." He laughs.

"I suppose that's true." After a pause, he says "Maybe it will be good for all of us. A little bit of closure. How's Annie doing?"

My stomach turns at the thought of how I found her when I got home. "I thought she was doing great at first but I wasn't here last night and when I got home this morning, she was just sitting there. Finn was crying because she didn't feed him dinner while she was staring at the TV all night. They showed a war story too. I'm positive Finnick was mentioned."

"Are they ok?"

"Yes. It was only about thirteen hours Finn didn't have food and they're both sleeping now but-" I can't finish my sentence for some reason.

"You wonder what would happen if you were gone longer." Peeta finishes for me."

"Yeah."

"Where were you last night?"

My cheeks burn with shame. "You're gonna love this Mellark. Annie was having a nervous breakdown because I forgot to call her to tell her I was fucking Hawthorne. Aren't I the absolute best?"

He lets a chuckle out. "You're not the worst. You didn't know that the program would be on or that Annie would see it. You're both adults, no need to tell each other where you are and when you'll be back." He pauses and I can hear him ask through gritted teeth. "How is Gale?"

"He's good. You don't have to be wary of him, Peeta. Trust me, he's plenty occupied,"

This time he laughs full-heartedly. "Thank you, for letting me in on your sex life." I laugh, but its cut short. I ask him,"Peeta, how do you think that we got so messed up?"

"We just are. All of us. But I think that our parents beating us our entire childhoods is a contributing factor."

I smile and grab a muffin from the counter. "You're right. We're both pretty messed up. How's Katniss?"

"She's good. We're good. It's good."

His voice is strained. I know he's holding something back. "Spit it out Peeta" I say, mouth full of muffin.

"I ordered a ring from One. It came today." I'm frozen. I can't move or speak. "Johanna? Are you there?"

I finally get the words to come out. "Yeah I heard you. That's pretty fast don't you think, but you guys were about to go at it on MY kitchen table right when you started dating so-"

"Whoa! I'm not proposing just yet. I bought it just as an idea. Johanna, were both only 18. Marriage is not on the table for a couple years."

"Then why buy the ring? She will find it, you know."

"Don't worry. I hid it well. It was either the best or worst decision I've ever made. Who knows? Maybe in a year or two it'll be the best. You never know." I hear a door slam in the background. _Peeta?! Who are talking to?_ "Hey I gotta go, Katniss just got back. Don't tell her what I said."

"I'm not that heartless, Mellark." He says goodbye and we hang up. I check on Annie and Finn, who both are sleeping, and then I leave for the square to clear my head.

* * *

The square is one of the things I actually enjoy about District Four. It's surrounded by small merchant shops and carts of other citizens. The Justice Building is the north point of the square. It wasn't this carefree before, Annie told me, it was a constant reminder of the reaping for this career district and someone would always be in the stocks that used to be on the front steps of the justice building. It was the same for District Seven, I told her, leaving out the part where there was a bloody stump with an ax stuck in it to remind us of constant executions.

"Would you like to buy something, miss?"

My head snaps up. I've somehow wandered into a crafts shop and the owner is smiling at me, hoping I'll get something.

"I'm just looking." The shop is filled with wooden crafts ranging from jewelry boxes to instruments. My eyes travel around the room, admiring the details in carved figures when I see the guitar. They started allowing free trade that wasn't necessities after the war was over, so I knew it was made in District Seven. "How much for this?"

The owner tells me a price and I hand over the money from my pocket. As I walk down the street over to the Victor's Village with the guitar in hand, I notice the people. Fisherman trading with merchants in the street. Children skipping along while their mother's chase after them. None seem to have a care in the world, as if they forgot the past year. Or are trying to forget, like me. I decide Peeta's right. You do never know what will happen. This still doesn't mean anything for a cynic like me. For now, at least.

* * *

**A/N: as usual: R&R! I now am going to collapse from exhaustion. Thanks for reading!**


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N: Guys, Guess what? I'm not dead. I know you guys are probably really pissed at me because it has been a MONTH after my hiatus was supposed to end. The reason? Full disclosure, I still have some mental issues and, just so you guys know, I found out I'm gay. So I still have some shit to go through with getting help and coming out to my family. **

**On that note, I promised you an update and an update you shall get. **

**I do not own the Hunger Games, I would be more awesome if I did. People would love me more. ;P**

* * *

"I wish you didn't have to leave."

"I wish I didn't have to either." Gale and I are sitting on the beach as the noon sun gleams over us. He has to leave the next morning.

The two weeks he's been here have been amazing. I basically just stayed with him in the Capitol house while leaving Annie with the house to herself. Luckily she hasn't had a breakdown since the last time, which is a relief. I don't think he's even left my side since he was here. I knew it was going to end soon, when he had to go back to two and not come back for months. I can't just leave Annie and follow him, I'm not even sure we're that serious.

I turn to him. "Hey, I've got a surprise for you."

"What?" He grins mischievously, in a way that makes my heart flutter just a bit.

"Come on, I'll show you." I say, dragging him off the blanket and leading him up the beach.

The path is narrow and rocky as we climb up the side of the cliff. It's been here since the district was founded. Kids jump off the ledge all the time, Annie loved it as a young girl.

"Where are we going?" Gale calls from behind me. Somehow I'm in better shape than him.

"Hawthorne, what part of surprise do you not understand?"

"The fact that I'm climbing a mountain for you."

I laugh. He'll live. We're almost there anyways. When we get to the top, the view is breath taking. Scraggly trees are behind me as I look over the ledge and at the crashing waves below. The sun reflects in the undulating water like glass.

* * *

_"Why are we here again?"_

_"Because you need to forget."_

_"I don't need to forget. I can take care of myself."_

_Finnick sighs in defeat. We're sitting on the edge of the cliff with our feet dangling over the water some yards below. The warm air relaxes my skin. I can't say the same for my mind. Finnick invited me down here shortly after I came home to my family dead and the execution of Ivan. All because I lost my fucking temper with a client. I'm never going back to the Capitol. Not if I can help it._

_"What are you thinking about?" Finnick turns to me, his voice soft._

_"Everything. Everyone. I shouldn't have-"_

_"Listen. You didn't know. I did the same thing. I didn't know."_

_"Finnick! You didn't strangle a client with his belt and kill him! My whole entire family is dead. I'm a widow at 18, separated or not! Everyone I ever loved is gone!" At this point my voice breaks and tears run down my cheek. Finnick wraps his arms around me and I don't protest. Finally I manage to pull myself away. Not now. Not after everything._

_"I love this place." Finnick murmurs._

_"Why?" I ask not out of spite, but curiosity._

_"Kids I knew as a boy would come up here and jump off around this time of year. Annie and her friends would too, when the group home would take them when she was about six. It's only about 25 feet down but it feels like forever."_

_"Aren't there rocks?"_

_"Yeah, right next to the cliff. You just have to jump out and hit the water feet first. But when you're falling, it feels exhilarating. Like you'll live forever."_

_I scoff. "Except that we don't."_

_Finnick considers this for a moment then stands up. I can only watch in shock as his feet leave the top of the cliff. I jump up and look over. He hasn't resurfaced._

_"Finnick!" No response. "This isn't funny, come up!" Shit. What am I going to tell Mags and Annie? Without hesitation, I dive right over the cliff._

_I can tell I definitely didn't think about how much it would hurt when I hit the water. Or how cold it would be even in the summer. As soon as I pop up, I see Finnick laughing at me from a rock under the crevice in the bottom of the cliff._

_"You. Are a horrible person!" I sputter and he laughs even harder._

_"That's it? From the great Johanna Mason of all things crude and blunt, that's all you can come up with?" Before he knows it, I've shoved him off his rock and into the cool water._

_He comes up dumbfounded and I can't help but burst out laughing at his face. He joins in and for the first time, I stop thinking about everything._

_"Come on." Finnick says and takes my hand to help me up on a ledge that will take us back to land. "I'm sure Mags has dinner ready."_

* * *

"Jo!" Gale's voice snaps me back to the present. He's standing next to me as I look over the edge.

"I'm sorry. Got lost in my thoughts for a minute."

"It's fine. I was asking, how did you know about this place?"

"Finnick showed it to me when I visiting him. Right after my family died. He and Annie would go with their friends when they were kids to jump off and play."

"... Fun?" Gale says. I can't help but laugh.

"I've done it once. It's an odd feeling, goin down, but I loved it." I sit down with my feet dangling and Gale joins me.

"You want to?"

"Want to what?"

"Jump." I look at the rough water below my feet.

* * *

_He's holding my head under water, every droplet feels like ice. I don't know if he'll let me up._

* * *

"Not really. It was cold then and that was summer. I don't think it will be pleasant now." He knows about me and water. He was the one that found me for goodness sake, but it might just be his goal to get me in some form of liquid before he leaves.

"I'll do it with you."

I consider this. "And you won't let go." I sound juvenile but I don't care.

"I promise." He gives me a soft kiss and helps me to my feet.

"Now we have to jump away from the cliff or well hit the rocks." He nods at my instructions.

We start stripping down to our underwear. Even though I've seen more, I still get goosebumps seeing Hawthorne without a shirt, displaying his defined chest. Once we're ready, we stand at the edge with clasped hands.

"On three." I nod, my heart racing. I'm a grown woman, I've survived poverty, abuse, two hunger games, rape and torture. I can dive into some cold water. "One. Two. Three."

Our feet lift off the ground and we fall. I never noticed those some years ago when I went in to find Finnick, but it really is exhilarating. The air rushing past me as I get closer and closer to the dark depths. We hit the water with a heavy splash and our grip grows tighter on the other. That's when I feel the pain. Sharp needle like senses stab me all over as I kick my way up the surface. Gale notices something wrong and grabs my should to help pull me up. I see a flash of the peacekeeper, kicking and hitting me as I fight back tears but I shake the image off. The tingling sensation I would get before I got shocked returns but nothing happens. I will fight this. It can't hurt me anymore. No one can.

The water was colder than I expected as I shiver on the rock under the crevice. I shift closer to Gale, who seems be radiating heat and he wraps his arms around me.

"How was that?"

"Not bad."

"Do you feel ok." I think about it. I'm shaking but that's from the cold. The only thing I feel really is the adrenaline coursing through my veins from the fall.

"I feel... Cold." I finally say. Out of nowhere we burst out laughing.

So we spend the afternoon At the cliff. Throwing each other into the water and walking back to jump again. The flashbacks haven't returned and I feel euphoric. I felt this way the whole time he's been here. Gale makes things easier.

"I can't remember the last time I've been this happy." I tell him as we float in the water. His arms are wrapped around my waist holding me up.

"I can't either. Maybe Paylor could fire me and we could spend the rest of our lives on this beach."

"If only." He chuckles. "Hey, we should get back, Annie might be worried." I sigh and start swimming up to the ledge that takes us back to the top of the cliff.

"I know Annie's doing better with the pills Lorraine gave her..." I say as Gale and I walk down the path after grabbing our clothes from the cliff. "I just wish I wouldn't need to worry about her. I can tell it kills her to feel like she needs to be watched over. I don't think she needs to be taken care of either. She's an adult, a devoted mother and a strong woman. We both need space." Gale stops in his tracks, looking at me with an unreadable expression on his face. "What?"

"You're right. You're absolutely right. So I need to ask to something important." I raise my eyebrows jokingly. This ought to be good. "Would you like it if you moved in with me?"

"... Ok Miss Mason, we got everything out of the bedroom and the boxes on the front steps. Is that all?"

"Yes, that's everything. Thank you." I say to the train employee as some of his workers move the rest of my stuff out of Annie's house. Hawthorne left a week ago after his vacation ended, leaving me to break the news to Annie. She was ok with it; she was actually supportive of me.

I turn to Annie, holding a sleeping Finn. "That's everything."

She nods. "Yeah." I go ahead and just hug her because I can tell she wants to. Her eyes glisten with tears.

"Hey, you'll see me soon at the memorial opening. Don't worry." I say trying to reassure her.

"I know, the house'll just feel empty without you here. I'm gonna miss you."

"I will too but will you do something for me?" She nods so I continue. "Don't sit here all cooped up in this house. Go out, see some old friends if they still live here. Go swimming. And if you feel like you can't do it anymore, keep trying. I know it's hard but I also know that he wouldn't want that for you. He wanted you to raise your son with love and be happy." Annie's head snaps up with the mention of Finnick. The train employee walks back in.

"Miss mason, its time to leave." I nod and grab the guitar at my feet that Gale let me take from the house. I hug Annie once more and an almost out the door when she calls me back.

"Jo!"

"Yeah?"

"He'd want the same for you too."

* * *

**R&R! More will come both on this and TKAM! I love you all! Thanks for being patient! :)**


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N: Another update. :) **

* * *

The memorial building is actually the old training center. I know this because I'm standing where my old room used to be on the seventh floor, staring at my district partner's face. Blight smiles down at Gale and I as he stands next to me. Blight was my mentor in my first games. He helped me develop my angle on being a scared little girl while making me do push-ups, planks and throw dinner knives at a target I the late hours of the night. I owed him my life, and I just let him die.

"Hey," Gale touches my shoulder when he notices my jaw set out of anger at myself. "We can go look at another section if you don't want to be here."

I brush him off "No, it's fine. We can finish looking up here." He shrugs and we leave my room.

They've left the floors the same, as far as I can tell. The only dramatic change is the pictures and the actual training room has been completely disassembled into a memoriam floor of the war and a reception hall just for today.

"Johanna, come look at this." Gale calls from another part of the room.

I come over only to see a portrait of me looking over the room.

I'm younger, in fact, the picture was taken when I had my interview after I won the first games. My hair has been butchered in an attempt to cover the part that was cut off and I have a smile that hides the fact I am utterly disgusted with myself. I can tell the makeup is covering the bags under my eyes from not sleeping and the stress lines that have been there for years of working in the lumber yard. But even then, I think I was a lot happier then than I've ever been.

"It's like looking at a ghost." I mumble. Gale nods in assent, but I don't think he understands what I mean. "Come on, let's go down the 4th. I think Annie should be here by now."

* * *

She wasn't, so we end up at the bar on the ground floor. Gale hands me a glass of wine and we walk around. A couple of Capitol people walk towards to me trying to hug me or pretend that know them but I brush them off. I want nothing to do with them. Plutarch comes by but as soon as he sees me his blanches and walks away without a word. I can't help but laugh at his reaction. I never knew he was that squeamish for someone who facilitated the murders of children.

"Mr. Hawthorne." A woman comes up to us and nods to Gale. She looks familiar, but I can't place her.

"President Ashe." Oh. Paylor. The woman- or really president- he was talking to on the monitor in Four.

She half smirks at him. "Aren't you going to introduce me to your friend?"

"Yes. Paylor, This is Johanna Mason."

I reach my hand out to her and we shake. "It's nice to meet you, President Ashe."

"The same to you, Johanna." She turns to Gale. "So are you two..."

"Yes." I answer to her unfinished question.

She smiles and then checks her watch. "I have to go. I'm making a speech. Nice meeting you Johanna. Hawthorne, the project with Divens needs to be presented at the end of the month."

Once she's left Gale turns to me. "So what were you-" He abruptly stops and stares across the room. I try and follow his field of vision when Peeta comes up to me.

"Johanna. Good to see you again." I smile and he kisses me on the cheek. "We tried looking for you, but we didn't find you at first."

"Oh I was on one of the floors with-" I motion over to Gale, but he has seemingly disappeared. "Well, with someone."

Peeta smirks. "He left as soon as I made my way over here. There they are." He motions to across the room at Annie and Katniss. "I was also wondering why you and Annie got here separately. And why I haven't been able to reach you at her house."

"That's because I don't live there anymore." I say nonchalantly, sipping my wine. "I moved in with Hawethorne a week ago."

His eyebrows just about touched his hairline. "Really?" He suppresses a snort. "That was fast."

I don't hesitate to smack him as we move through the crowd of people. "I wasn't asking for your approval. I really like him. He was in Four on vacation. He asked me to move in with him. I said yes. End of story."

"Jo!" Annie throws her arms around me. "When did you get here?"

"About an hour ago. You act like you haven't seen me in a year." I say laughing. I break away to go over to Finn, being held by Katniss. "Hey Finn. Miss your Aunt Jo?" He giggles and claps his hands clumsily together.

"I take that as a yes." Katniss says and she hands him to me. "That kid is heavy. Anyways how are you guys?"

I shrug. "Good. The same. Annie's doing well, she's gotten close with your mother since she's been helping her."

Katniss nods. "And you?"

" What can I say, I was living in a district surrounded by water and I can't even swim. At least I'm not there anymore."

She furrows her brow. "You're back in Seven?"

I shake my head. "Not a chance in hell. Two. Needed a change of scenery and my own space." She nods, and I pray she doesn't make the connection. She still doesn't know about Hawthorne and me, which I think is a little ridiculous. She's not the little 16 year old girl anymore. She can handle anything.

Before I can say anything to Katniss, someone steps up the microphone and the room quiets down.

"Good afternoon ladies and gentleman. Welcome to The Memorial of the Fallen!" Plutarch practically yells with an inappropriately cheerful tone into the microphone. Old habits die hard; I wonder what genius asked him to make a speech.

"... And here to say a few words, President Paylor Ashe of Panem." Paylor walks onto the stage, greeted by applause. Finn starts fussing, so I hand him back to Annie who goes to feed him.

"Thank you Plutarch, I would like to welcome you all to this memorial. If you will join me in a moment of silence for the fallen tributes and soldiers that were lost to the past 75 years of bloodshed." Every one bows their heads and I do the same.

Finnick comes to my mind. I see his smile, hear his laugh as I playfully shove him away at some bar in the Capitol. I see him at his wedding, dancing with Annie and both of them are able to look years younger. Jo, I hear him say. One last time.

"Thank you."

Paylor continues talking about the memorial and the current process of reconstructing the districts and help other important trades start up so the districts can be more interdependent on each other. Finally she gets off the stage and the crowd disperses. I immediately go look for Gale.

When I finally find him, he's on the twelfth floor looking around.

"You're going to have to talk to her." I say.

"I know."

"You can't just keep on avoiding her. I mean, you guys used to be close and you're just going to forget she ever existed?"

He stays silent for a moment. Finally, he answers. "I wish I could just change everything sometimes, stop myself from making those bombs, gone back for the others, something."

"Well, you can't." I say bluntly. "You can spend the rest of your life looking on those mistakes or you can accept it and try to make things right." I kiss him on the cheek and whisper. "Go fucking talk to her." He laughs, kisses me back and walks away to find Katniss.

I end up walking down to the fourth floor where I find Annie with Finn looking at a picture of Finnick.

"He would have been a great father." She says when I walk up behind her. "After we got married, he would talk about this life he had planned for us, once the war was over. We would go back to Four, have a couple kids and grow old together."

"Ivan used to talk like that. When we got married. A life of luxury, never having to work. Kids even, if we wanted to risk it. But that was before-"

"The Capitol." Annie whispers. She looks at me, teary eyed and smiling. "I'm so glad you found Gale."

"Why, so I won't be a bad influence on Finn?" I say jokingly. She giggles. "So how have you been doing?"

"Good. I saw an old friend a couple days ago. I knew her when I was little and in the group home. Cady's married now and has a little girl. Her name's Hope and she's five. It was nice seeing her." She sighs and readjusts Finn on her hip. "Seeing her makes me feel like things can be normal again. Good even." She crinkles her brow and looks around. "Where's Gale?"

"He's around. I told him to go talk to Katniss and he disappeared. I assume Peeta talking the caterers' ear off."

Annie laughs and we walk off to find Peeta. I keep on thinking about what she said about things being normal again. For once, she may actually be right.

* * *

**A/N: R and R!**


End file.
